Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Dooce on the brain.

And since I'm here and all, and it's my blog, I'm going to talk about whatever I want.  Lately that gangling blond Mormon.  What is my fixation with the Dooce?  I can't tell you.  But, I've been knowing her, via that internet, for around a decade now.  To clarify, she doesn't know me.  I just found her back in the day, when she was leaving LA, and found her...intriguing.  I liked that there was some random person out there just saying whatever crap came to her head, and she even took the time to code that shit.  Seriously?  I was inspired.  I didn't really relate to her, but she did make me laugh on occasion.

I became a fan, if you will, when she had her baby and wrote those lovely letters.  I liked that she was all, SO WHAT???  Yeah, I drink, yeah, I'm not a PERFECT PARENT, I have PROBLEMS, but FUCK YOU, MY MAN LOVES ME.  I also loved her because I was a CAPS LOCK kind of gal, too.  Actually, I don't even CAPS LOCK; I JUST HOLD THE SHIFT KEYS THE WHOLE TIME.  But, I'm rather annoyed by the CAPS LOCK.  She RUINED my CAPS LOCK affinity, and now I have to use these damn italics because I don't want people to think I'm YELLING AT THEM.

I liked that she figured out a way to make a living just throwing her shit out there...It gave me hope in this whole American Dream hooptilah that, seriously, follow your dreams, even when they're sort of lame and you can still make a living at it.  But then her man quit his job, and I'll be honest.  I was jealous.  And I was mad because she never returned any emails (I sent her three) when they were heartfelt and nice...and let's be honest, she wasn't even famous AT ALL then.  She was still a no body when I sent those, and how hard is it to say, hey, thanks for your concern?  Not.  Hard.  That's how hard.  Not at all.  Anyway, aside from this minor rant, I'm pretty much over that in my day to day life. Back to being I was, fighting depression too, dealing with undiagnosed ADHD, tryng to raise 3 toddlers (twins...hahaha, funny one, G-d), and all she was suddenly not only rudely unresponsive to actual fans, but getting rich doing it!  At least making enough money for her old man to quit his day job, too; and I was struggling to pay for other people to raise my babies and make rent.  I realized she was in a cocoon.  But...shit...I still related to her on some levels, and she was still funny sometimes, and I really did like those letters to Leta.  And that she felt she was friends with famous people IN HER MIND.  I do that, too.

So...then she's suddenly pretty damn rich and successful and on tv, and I hated my job and my life, and I didn't want to hear about her fake ass depression and 17 meds and gym membership...because instead of feeling better, it was so in-your-face that I felt worse.  I felt like, why can't I do that.  And more importantly, WHY CAN'T DOOCE JUST BE FUCKING APPRECIATIVE?  Fucking Dooce.  So I stopped reading her.  For a few years.  But I heard about her more.  She was internet famous.

And the whole time, I'm thinking Out of Character is a way better blog.  WTF?

So, she had that other baby that she seems to hate...and I checked in, ya know?  I was curious.  The tone sucked.  Her blog sucked.  It wouldn't load on my phone.  It was pictures, and not great ones like she took of her family, but all of these pictures of her employees...and fancy makeovers, and bragging, bragging, bitching, bragging, bragging.  Ugh.  So I checked out pretty quickly.

Then I hear she's getting divorced.  And I'm sure it's hard to live with a man that is up your ass with support all of the time...It's like Ferris Bueller says, "She's gonna treat him like shit.  Because you can't respect someone that constantly kisses your ass." - that's more of a paraphrase from repeated jr. high watchings, FYI.  So basically now, I'm just, like...DOOCE YOU HAD BETTER TAKE HIM BACK BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE PLANET WILL EVER WANT YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE AWFUL.  So...yeah...she grosses me out these days.

And while I'm not the best mom, I haven't sold my kids souls just yet. does appear to be lucrative...

Also, the thing with GOMI was bullshit.  It did turn me on to GOMI, though.  Which turned me on the The Bloggess.  Which in turn taught me Dooce is an asshole.  That's my OPINION.  Incidentally, I think Jon's a dick, too.  Anyone acting smarter than they are is annoying.

So, yeah...maybe this little rant will get her outta my head...because, seriously?  WHY IS SHE IN MY BRAIN???

Dishes call.  Damn.

Sidenote -  The CAPS LOCK is part of the therapeutic healing process.  Actually, I guess this is post script, not a sidenote.  WHATEVER.  It will be used with a modicum of restraint in future posting.  I italicize, bitches. 

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