Thursday, November 8, 2012

Good ole ADHD

Careless mistakes
Losing things constantly
Inability to complete tasks
Wandering mind
Depression due to never being able to get a damn thing accomplished and feeling like a big ole loser

So, I go get my meds.  From a new doc.  Back on the hobby horse after a year of free-ballin' and free-fallin'.  And the doc informs me that my script is highly sought after on the black market, so be very, very careful not to let anyone know I'm on it because the bad guys will follow me home and break into my house to steal my Vyvanse.  I can't remember if paranoia is a side-effect of ADHD meds, but I hope not, because he was just getting warmed up.

He then proceeds to tell me that when he completes his notes, they will then be sent to a government database to be monitored by the feds.  That all prescriptions will be monitored by the govt soon, for that matter.  And every person will have their entire medical history compiled neatly by said govt, and also monitored.  He doesn't like this bureaucratic bull honkey, so he's telling me all about it.  He tells me that "they" tell him that he just needs to keep his mouth shut, and follow directions.  The Administration will advise him in how he will be doing his doctoring.  I told him that I'm sure the Nazi docs could relate to how he feels.

The thing is, this has been the case for years.  HIPPA got the ball rolling, and things have been falling into place for a long time.  I KNEW that the system was keeping tabs on all of us...but, the notion still struck most as conspiracy theory.  Now, I've got this doctor blatantly telling me what I already knew, but I'm telling you, it was scary.

Fast forward to home.  Wait rewind.  I noticed the new(ish) electric bill on my way out this morning.  I just paid the electric on the 24th, so I didn't even bother to open it yet, cos, hey, I just paid it!  Now fast forward.  I get home, decide to heat up some of last night's chili.  Wait...why is the light on the stove off?  And the microwave...and, shit...I better open that bill.  So I open the bill to find out that on the 24th, I paid my water bill amount to my electric co.  And due to the difference, I had an outstanding amount that needed to be paid by yesterday.  GREAT!  So, they were nice enough to remotely turn my power back on as soon as I paid it.  But, I realized in that moment, that it doesn't matter that I'm a stay at home mom now.  I still have responsibilities.  And my brain is still wired differently.  And even if I don't have a million balls in the air, I still have a very real problem processing.

So I'm taking the drugs, and getting monitored.  Because I'm pretty sure we're all being monitored anyway.  And at least now I won't feel like whoever is watching what we do is thinking, "man, that lady is such a dumbass."

Plus, I'll probably drop 10 pounds.  Bonus! Oh, and get robbed.

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